The Toronto Raptors 2003/2004 season is only 10 games old but already trouble looms on the horizon. The team has shown definite improvements on defense but is currently last in scoring. Point guard Alvin Williams has been hobbled by repeated ankle injuries. No one is stepping up to shoulder some of the scoring load off of Vince Carter. Rookie Chris Bosh looks promising but he's doesn't appear ready yet.

Smarmy Ashton Kucher grins as John Nash recalls his conversations with Grunwald

Various news outlets have reported that Raptor GM Glen Grunwald has made overtures to various teams for trades. The crack investigative squad of Rick Brunson .com newshounds has discovered that although Grunwald has been making the calls for trades it is unlikely he will be successful. Rick Brunson .com chatted with Portland GM John Nash about the rumours that Bonzi Wells and/or Rasheed Wallace are being offered as trade fodder.

"You're always looking to make your team better so we would entertain offers if we thought we'd be getting equal or better value for some players. Grunwald though, that guy keeps calling. You have to admire his tenacity. So one day I'm bored and finally tell him that I'm interested in Antonio Davis. You know, just to see what he'd do. I mean, what the fuck do I want Antonio Davis for? He's getting paid $12 million bucks to score 6.6 points a game! Anyway, I tell him that I'd consider an Antonio for Sheed deal. I tell ya, I could hear the guy drooling through the phone. He's totally on the hook. He's just going 'yeah yeah yeah' I think we could swing that. And then I say that maybe he'd have to throw something in to sweeten the deal. So he says he could include Mengke Bateer so we have some more fouls to give to Shaq. I figure he's got to be kidding me and $12 million stiff and a foul-a-minute centre for a guy who scores inside and outside? I'd be nuts to do that. But he's fucking serious. He's practically faxing the trade in to the NBA offices when I say that I'd need something more.

Glen Grunwald shows his dislike for Nash as he downs a 40

So he's thinking a little bit and by this time I've got him on the speakerphone and got everybody in the office listening to it. He's thinking and finally he mumbles something about a 2nd round draft pick. Like Mo Cheeks needs the hassle of cutting another guy next year! So then I tell him I can make this deal. I can make it work if he gives me one more thing. I've got him. I've got him soooo bad. He's making these little yipping doggie noises into the phone he wants it so bad."

At this point in the conversation Nash begins giggling uncontrollably. Finally he regains composure.

"Wooo! Where was I? Oh yeah, so I've got Grunwald on the line and all I got to do is reel him in. I tell him that we'd give him Rasheed Wallace for Antonio Davis, Mengke Bateer, a 2nd round draft pick, and a night of sex with his mother! Here in Portland the crowd just explodes into laughter and there is complete silence on his end. I'm not sure if he was so desperate that he was contemplating it or if he was calling his mom on the other line or if he finally realized that we were pulling his leg but we were too busy pissing ourselves to care. I guess he just hung up or something I don't know."

Nash then went on to add that unless Vince Carter was involved there is no way he'd be making a deal with the Raptors. He also mentioned that he told this whole same story to the GM in Chicago John Paxson.

"Paxson's got a great sense of humour. I think he's going to offer Jamal Crawford just to see what Grunwald will do. We're going to get him twice in a week!"