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Rick Brunson .com Welcomes Raptors To Training Camp
Especially You, Antonio Davis!!
October 2nd, 2003

When you've collected an array of superstars like the team that Raptors GM Glen Grunwald assembled in the off-season you wouldn't expect there to be any need for a training camp. These guys should just dominate without practicing at all. Well, apparently the Lenny Wilkins Coaching Philosophy has been thrown out the window this year and the players might actually be expected to sweat. Kevin O'Neill has made it abundantly clear that no position other than Vince Carter's and Rick Brunson's are safe for the upcoming season.

So what can a player do to ensure they catch the coach's eye? Rick Brunson .com takes a quick look at each player and what skills they need to flash during this month's training camp:

Sittin' Rick
Rick Brunson shows his dedication to sitting for long periods of time by showing up to training camp 8 hours early
Mengke Bateer - Centre
Mengke is an NBA Champion so technically he was perfect last year. He has nothing to work on but shining up his Championship ring. His command of English isn't very strong but the coaching staff feels he can just watch Rick Brunson. When Rick waves a towel, Mengke will wave a towel. When Rick slaps some butt, Mengke will slap some butt. It's a small world after all.

Ken Johnson - Centre
Ken is coming to camp eager to improve his passing skills because if he shoots he won't be playing much.

Stanley Roberts - Centre
Although Stanley won't be coming to the Raptors camp, Coach O'Neill has sent him a list of goals for his secretive training schedule. Number one on the list: Don't eat anyone.

Antonio Davis - Forward/Centre
It is a little known fact that the national anthems are played before afternoon practice sessions, to simulate a real game experience. All eyes will be on AD to ensure that he can convincingly pretend to mouth the words to the Canadian anthem, except for the French part.

Jerome Moiso - Forward
J-Mo must prove to be an effective substitute when Antonio Davis needs a rest, and provide 10-15 solid minutes of defence. He should also mouth the French part of the Canadian national anthem for AD.

Chris Bosh - Forward
What Chris really needs to kick off a promising rookie year is a really cool nickname. Rick Brunson .com spent countless hours debating, and have arbitrarily decided on "CB-4". It sounds like he might have done time, it includes his initials, his number, and his draft slot, and damn that movie was funny!

Michael Bradley - Forward
It was quite apparent that Michael "The Ivory Tower" Bradley was about 15 pounds shy of super-stardom last season. It's been reported that he's bulked up considerably in the off-season. If that's the case then young Bradley should practice his autograph signing and comical courtside reactions for the All-Star Game Slam Dunk Competition.

Michael Curry - Forward/Guard
Known for his locker room presence, we suggest that Mike consider getting repeatedly lost in the ACC hallways on the way to the practice court, ensuring he maximizes locker room time and minimizes court time. Putting on his uniform really, really slowly will also help.

Chris Jefferies - Forward
Last year Jefferies pre-game naps sometimes extended all the way into the 3rd quarter. During this training camp CJ will drink more coffee or at least get a pair of those sunglasses with eyeballs painted onto them.

Lamond Murray - Forward
Lamond's cousin and former Raptor Tracy "Tumour" Murray left quite a mark on the franchise, and Lamond has made it his personal goal to exceed all of Tracy's achievements here. The first time Lamond plays defence he will surpass that goal. Rick Brunson .com officially predicts that this might just happen before Christmas.

George Williams - Forward
George's goal upon entering Raptors training camp is to confuse Coach O'Neill into thinking he is either Alvin Williams or Jerome Williams. That's his best chance to make the team.

Jerome Williams - Forward
JYD has been hard to spot this off-season. Rick Brunson .com has confirmed that he has been in hiding because he, like Vince Carter, recently donned braces to fix his terrifying British chompers. A new gleaming smile, along with that loveable canine persona of his, should be enough extra sizzle to claim a starter's role.

Morris Peterson - Forward/Guard
Dear Morris: don't handle the ball, try to make your own shot, or expect to be a starter. Try to take a few charges, finish on the break, and show just enough promise to get yourself traded.

Vince Carter - Guard/Forward
Don't get injured. Please. Rick Brunson .com suggests creating a new full-body uniform made out of bubble-wrap.

Alvin Williams - Guard
Coach O'Neill needs Alvin to strike fear in the hearts of opposing point guards this year with more than just his wicked crossover. Already sporting a new and improved 'ghetto gimp stroll', Alvin plans to work on his own version of the Kurt Thomas cross-eyed glare mixed with the Ron Artest facial tick. A 'thuglife' tattoo is also in the works.

Milt Palacio - Guard
Toronto is Palacio's 6th team in 5 years. As a confirmed journeyman Palacio couldn't wait to get to camp to learn at the foot of the master, Rick Brunson. After last year's celebrated job of mentoring Jamal Crawford & Jay Williams, Palacio will be Brunson's next project. Hopefully Brunson will not mentor Palacio into running his motorcycle into a tree.

Rick Brunson - Guard
It's automatic.

Rick continues to showboat his tenacious bench sitting skills for coach O'Neill during training camp

Does this look official?  It ain't. (C) 2003 Rick Brunson Fan Club -