The sign of an intelligent competitor is the ability to operate several steps ahead of the game. Today Toronto Raptor GM Glen Grunwald showed that he was already looking ahead to the possible NBA Finals showdown with the LA Lakers by signing big man, and fat man, Stanley Roberts. Roberts, an eight-year veteran, last appeared in the NBA during the 1999-2000 season with Philadelphia where he averaged 2.0 points and 3.0 rebounds in five games.

"I'm really pleased with this signing," said Grunwald, "Coach O'Neill told me he wanted players that were hungry. I went out and got the hungriest!"

Even though it has been 4 years since he played in the NBA and 10 years removed since his most productive year, Roberts is a legitimate 7 footer and a questionable 295 pounds. It is expected that Roberts will be used to stand between Shaquille O'Neal and the basket. By doing so Shaq either has to go through the enormous Roberts or around his gi-normous fat-ass. Each option is done at his own peril.

Adding to the intrigue of the likely 2003/2004 NBA Finals competitors is that Roberts is a former college teammate of Shaq's and still remains his good friend. Pundits have long wondered exactly how Shaq has dominated the league over the course of his career. Many feel that Roberts is privy to all of the secrets that make Shaq the NBA's most dominant player. Will Roberts reveal to the Raptors the organization just how Shaq manages to shove everybody out of the way? Surely it can't be because O'Neal is also well over 7 feet tall and 350 pounds, can it? Basketball isn't a game of size and brute strength. One only needs look at Rick Brunson to realize that success in this league is based on skill and flair.

It appears as if Roberts will not be giving away the secrets of Shaq anytime soon as he will not be coming to Raptor training camp. Instead he will train in seclusion in Florida where the rest of the league cannot gain access to this new Raptor Secret Weapon.

Fortunately, the crack news staff at Rick Brunson .com has located Roberts near his cloistered training compound. We have followed his movements in an attempt to break this story. At last report he was seen ordering everything on the menu at Denny's. He was also heard to exclaim, "Man, I love dem PO-tatoes!"