From: "JIMMY" <jimazin@xxxxxxxx.ca>

Yo, Rick I heard about this and I had to check this out, THis is F**cked up, I still can't figure out what's goin on, oh Well, see ya on Friday against the Wizards, later I'm out.

Big Country
(the only white boy with rythm)

Dear Mr. Bryant Reeves,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write! We here at Rick Brunson .com understand your confusion. We know it must be hard for you to accept that if your career had lasted just a few years longer, we would probably be doing this site about you, while super-duper-ultra-hypa-mega NBA superstar Rick Brunson would be relegated to second fiddle. But it was not meant to be, and Big Country comedy is just not as relevant as it used to be! However, an old man can't resist a little nostalgia...

Ahhh, the glory days of Canada's other team. So many Naismith Cups to reflect on, and so little time. But thank goodness for Raptors TV! They still keep the memories alive. After such a long and glorious career filled with playoff runs and all-star appearances I was certain that you would still be in hiding back in Gans, Oklahoma, trying to get away from the throngs of admirers. And to think that you were actually in the crowd at the Raptors-Wizards game! It must have been pandemonium... you certainly lifted the spirits of the Raptors to victory! I don't hesitate in saying that you are truly an inspiration to us all! Everything you touch just seems to turn to gold bricks, even long after retirement.

Ahhh, time and time again sports fans like myself are reminded of how retirement can be so tough for the truly dominant athletes. Ain't that right, MJ? For what seems like a goddamned eternity, their minds still believe they can dominate the court, while their bodies just refuse to keep it up. There are fleeting moments of greatness, but that is all. And as their mind starts going too, they become incapable of even seeing just how pathetic they are. Ain't that right, MJ? Why didn't you learn from Mr. Reeves?

Ahhh, Big Country, you did what was best for the fans! You burned out instead of fading away, so there were only memories of you in your prime for us to treasure. You were the Fat Elvis of Basketball back then! And after an extended hiatus, you have returned to light the fire in our hearts again, despite the damaged state of your once keen intellect! Dare I suggest without a hint of hyperbole that you have ascended to the status of The Basketball Pope?

But, since Jesus is bigger than the Pope, and Rick Brunson is bigger than Jesus, I think we've hitched our wagon to the right pony for now. Take care!

Respectfully yours,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com

From: tc49821 <tc49821@xxxxxxxx.com>

Hi,I am a Knick we could use as a backup point guard come back. I over heard some say before that they say you in pathmark on central ave in hartsdale,either thier or the galleria or somewhere,they where really exicted. later

Dear Mr. Scott Layden,

Is that you? You sound terrible. You type like you've been living in a dumpster for the past week... has it really come to this point? It can't be very safe on the streets right now. We'll get somebody down there to pick you up right away. I mean, how grateful would we look if we abandoned you to be torn apart by a vicious mob of Knicks fans after how well you've messed up that team?

We really owe you a sincere debt of gratitude. Since we gave you that special list of the worst players in the NBA and sent you on your way with a firm butt-slap, you have shown true dedication to the task of destroying the Knicks! Shandon Anderson, Howard Eisley, Michael Doleac, Othella Harrington, Travis Knight, and Clarence Weatherspoon! Bravo! And the master stroke of acquiring Dikembe Mutumbo, just because you knew how pissed off we'd be if the Raptors got him!

But the biggest thank you is for getting rid of the Knicks best and most popular player in Latrell Sprewell and replacing him with the one player most guaranteed to be hated by the entire city, Keith Van Horn. Truly we wept tears of joy when that went down. The cheque is in the mail, bud, don't you worry about it.

Now, we'll let you lay low for a while. You can do our laundry for a few weeks, or pick us up burgers when we're in the office late. But we are going to have to send you back in one last time. We'd still really like to see Kurt Thomas get sent packing somewhere. He's almost decent, so he's a bad fit on the Knicks. We like your idea of trading Brunson, but you'll have to work out some kind of 3-way deal so that we can actually get a good point guard back from somebody else.

We know you can do it. We believe in you. Hi-re Lay-den! Hi-re Lay-den!

Yours truly,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com

From: dscottonnj@xxxxxxxx.com

Is this a super Joke Rick, about you and all these writtings of your website, Yeah I went to Temple undergrad and graduate in 90', I like to know if your web site is really legitmate or not. A frat bro sent me this, if it is congradulates, if not it is a good laugh and congradulate nevertheless.

Curious
Dscotton

Dear Dscotton,

You are correct, sir. This site is a super Joke! More than you know... and I can't hold it in any longer. I just have to tell someone, and who better than a Temple grad and frat brother! That's right, we're practically family! If you were in front of me, I would hug you so hard right now!

Yes, that's right. The super Joke is that this really is Rick Brunson! And this really is my official site! I guess maybe it was kind of obvious, wasn't it? Well, except for that disclaimer at the bottom of the main page where I say "Does this look official? It ain't." I guess that could be a bit confusing. But honestly, how would anyone else know all this weird shit about me? It's not like you can just go and search the Internet or something.

So I'm sure you must be wondering why I even bother to have my own web site. Well, there are three main reasons:

1. I have a lot of time on my hands while I'm sitting on the bench.
2. I thought I could do better than Peja Drobnjak's official site: http://www.nba.com/sonics/drobnjak/manjaks.html
3. I need two courses to get my degree in Social Work from Temple, and one of them is 'Computers in Society'. My final project is to create a personal web site, so here it is!

By the way, the other course I still need to take is English 101. Looks like you may have skipped that one... hopefully you will congradulate me when I'm finally done all the course writtings and have a legitmate degree.

Sincerely,
Rick Brunson,
Rick Brunson .com

From: Damon Sutherland <DSutherland@xxxxxxxx.com>

Dude,

You are the funnniest guy ive ever met......Im gonna get fired soon if I keep reading your website at work because I keep laughing so much out loud.....

Keep up the good work and glad to have you as a Raptor!! Only 180 more years until you break that scoring record

DAMO

Dear Damon,

It's apparent that it doesn't even take Temple-calibre smarts to figure out that this really is my official site, because you have obviously come to the same conclusion as the last guy without any of the obvious advantages that he had! Bravo!

I can honestly say that I am truly impressed with the cognitive capacity of my fans. not to mention the dedication and stick-to-it-iveness it takes to unravel the puzzle behind my secret identity. You guys are like lightning in a bottle! No, you're freakin' CSI, man!

I can really relate to your job situation, too. I shouldn't really laugh when I'm sitting on the bench, because the other players start to think I'm trashing 'em. They all know about this site, and are already a bit sensitive about the content. So I just have to keep a straight face, wave them towels, and keep them butt slaps a'comin'.

Perhaps if you can manage to slap enough butt at work, you can keep a tenuous grasp on your career just like I do.

Yours truly,
Rick Brunson
Rick Brunson .com

FROM: "Edward Oliva" <eo3022@xxxxxxxx.com>
SUBJECT: Yes! I too love Rick Brunson!

i've always loved rick!

This is an old buddy of his when he was with the Knicks....I was working for the team when he played there....

please pass along my info to him...hope all is well.

thanks..

Eddie O

Dear Eddie,

As much as I'd love to hear more about your Rick-love, frankly it creeps me out a little bit so I'm going to stay as far away from that topic as I can.

I'm much more interested in trying to figure out why you think we actually are in contact with Rick Brunson! You understand that we are sort of making fun of the guy, right? Not only that, we are using him as an allegory to illustrate the disappointment we felt as fans over the summer with the lack-lustre moves made by the Raptors club? And that despite his limited role on the team he still defines our envy for a millionaire lifestyle we can never have? So why exactly would he want to be involved with a site like that?

So much of this site is not even really about Rick at all! Of course, then it might be argued that we could achieve the same goals we have without making all the butt-patt jokes. But you have to understand something. There is a golden rule, a maxim in the comedy industry, that says that no matter how much work you put into your jokes, no matter how clever you think they are, it's the fart jokes that will get the big laughs. The big leap of logic here is when you grasp that Rick Brunson .com's signature butt-patt jokes are really just disguised fart jokes.

And why would Rick want to be associated with a web site full of fart jokes? Is any of this making sense? Am I coming through clearly? Can you hear me now?

Nothing. Okay, fine. I'll be sure to pass along your info so you can get all the Rick-love you need. He'll get back to you right away, I'm sure.

Glad we could "help",
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com

FROM: "Nathan Monteith" <nmonteith@gjpadvertising.com>
SUBJECT: Yes! I too love Rick Brunson!

this guy's pretty average. Are you thinking with opportunity he's going to have a breakout year or something?

Why don't you guys do a site about a player who's good?

Nathan Monteith
Sr. Art Director
T 416.979.7999 X 276
gjpadvertising.com

---

From: "Don Oliver" <cdoliver@look.ca>

I don't get it...your supposedly making fun of Rick brunson yet list his accomplishments i.e player of the weeks

Dear Don and Nathan,

Please consider the following two definitions carefully:

sat·ire [sá tir] (plural sat·ires) noun
1. Use of wit: the use of wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to attack the vices and follies of Brunsonkind
(satire, denunciation, accusation, parody, burlesque, travesty, caricature, cartoon, misrepresentation, skit, spoof, send-up, take-off, mimicry, squib, lampoon, pasquinade, detraction)

ob·tuse [ob tooss] adjective
1. Slow to understand: slow to grasp or perceive something
(dense, unintelligent, thickheaded, crass, gross, heavy, sottish, stolid, bovine, blockish, blockheaded, oafish, doltish)

In the dictionary, One of these definitions has a picture of Rick Brunson .com, and the other has a picture of the two of you. Which one of you will figure it out first?

Hey, since you now have each other's email addresses, maybe you can work out this puzzle together, finally reunited after clearly being separated at birth!

Family reunions: just one of many community services Rick Brunson .com provides.

Sincerely,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com