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From: "Doyle, Tim" <TDoyle@xxxxxxxx.com>
Dear Rickbrunson.com,
Your Web site is AWESOME, much like Rick. Please, note that I underlined "AWESOME," and I would have double underlined it if my keyboard allowed me to.
Thanks,
Tim
Chicago Bulls fan.
From: "Brian Nash" <briannash1889@xxxxxxxx.com>
Growing up a Chicago Bulls fan ... Rick Brunson was the best thing to happen to Bulls Basketball since the departure of Michael Jordan. The way he was able to play basketball in the NBA with virtually no athletic ability gives us all something to strive for. He's got the best work ethic in the NBA. We should start calling him "Rudy" for defying the odds.
-Brian Nash, Chicago, IL
Dear Tim and Brian,
Welcome to our fan mail page! Those of us at RB.com can understand how much you Bulls fans need cheering up. You guys are just two out of a huge outpouring of pathetic, lost Chicago souls who have latched onto our site, hoping for empathy from the fans of another team that is so equally desperate for bodies that they'll pay a million bucks for the pleasure of stashing a guy on the IR with a phony injury.
Take the following website, for example:
http://www.bullsnewsnetwork.com
Now, these guys were so determined to get our attention that they've added us to a rather distinguished list of "favorite links":
Chicago Tribune
Chicago Sun-Times
Sporting News
ESPN
NBA.com
Google
Rick Brunson .com
Our asses would have really felt licked if they'd put us above Google, but hey, we'll take it, for now.
So now, your little emails, were they really the best that YOU could do? "Your site is awesome" with just a single underline? Smacks of a lack of effort.
"Rick Brunson was the best thing to happen to Bulls Basketball since the departure of Michael Jordan"? Ha, ha, very clever.
Not even a single attempt at a butt-patt or bench joke? Come on! Some Rick Brunson fans you guys turned out to be, with your pitiful little towel-waving fan emails. Hey wait, there's some perfect irony in there! Welcome to the fan club guys!
Sincerely,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com
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From: Damon Sutherland <DSutherland@xxxxxxxx.com>
Dude,
You are the funnniest guy ive ever met......Im gonna get fired soon if I keep reading your website at work because I keep laughing so much out loud.....
Keep up the good work and glad to have you as a Raptor!! Only 180 more years until you break that scoring record
DAMO
Dear Damon,
It's apparent that it doesn't even take Temple-calibre smarts to figure out that this really is my official site, because you have obviously come to the same conclusion as the last guy without any of the obvious advantages that he had! Bravo!
I can honestly say that I am truly impressed with the cognitive capacity of my fans. not to mention the dedication and stick-to-it-iveness it takes to unravel the puzzle behind my secret identity. You guys are like lightning in a bottle! No, you're freakin' CSI, man!
I can really relate to your job situation, too. I shouldn't really laugh when I'm sitting on the bench, because the other players start to think I'm trashing 'em. They all know about this site, and are already a bit sensitive about the content. So I just have to keep a straight face, wave them towels, and keep them butt slaps a'comin'.
Perhaps if you can manage to slap enough butt at work, you can keep a tenuous grasp on your career just like I do.
Yours truly,
Rick Brunson
Rick Brunson .com
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FROM: "Nancy Alexander" <nalexan1@xxxxxxxx.com>
SUBJECT: Yes! I too love Rick Brunson!
hey how r u doing rick is my uncle my name is marquis this is funny to see my uncle's head on other people im sure he would think it was funny to
yo marquis
whats up d00d my friend dflex is real good at cutting yur uncles head onto other peoples bodys we think its funny to and u can expect lots more dflex learned everythin he knows from workin on this celebrity fakes site he runs called ... wait a sec how old r u anyways keep writing if u can call it that
l8r
old man bueale
rickbrunson dot com
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FROM: Patrick Lim <crazylyf@xxxxxxxx.com>
SUBJECT: Nice Job
Nice Job! Keep the nice work! You made me laugh my ass out!
Overheard in the RB.com offices:
Guys, this is perfect!
You know how our site's been getting huge hits from Asia lately, right, with all of our intense coverage of Mengke Bateer and the defensive house of pain he's constructin' out on the court?
And you remember how we ran out of those crappy souvenir t-shirts a couple of weeks back, and haven't been able to come up with a suitable replacement while the orders just keep a rollin' in?
And you recall how we thought "All your base, are belong to Rick Brunson .com" was so close and yet not quite right?
Well, Eureka! "Rick Brunson .com: make me laugh my ass out!"
It's perfect! It's gonna sell like hot noodles over-seas! Hey, I can't wait to see the picture that D-Flex comes up with for the back...
Thanks for the idea, Patrick!
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com
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FROM: "joelandkristen" <joelandkristen@xxxxxxxx.com>
SUBJECT: Yes! I too love Rick Brunson!
Great website. I've removed realgm, hoopsworld and espn.com from my favourites because your sight has all the information that matters.
joel schonewille,
toronto.
Dear Joel,
Now that's more like it! Stand up and be a man! Who needs those sycophants over at RealGM, anyways? Does any one even still bother with HoopsWorld and their "exclusive" content? And ESPN? Don't get me started on them! But know this: any day now, Bill Simmons will come a knockin' on our door, just begging to write an exclusive expose column for us...
Hey, wait a minute. Stop the presses. Change of topics. Let me get this straight: Your email address is "joelandkristen"??? Well isn't that just snootchie-poo. Christ.
Is your bedroom also done in a nice floral print? Are you forced to watch the Raptors on a 20" TV in a dusty corner of your unfinished basement (when you're allowed, that is)? Did you get permission to write this email to us?
You have just sabotaged every last shred of individuality and masculinity that I was about to give you credit for. I want you to know that your letter will now be printed on the next run of our exclusive 'Rick Brunson Fan E-mail Toilet Paper', so we can wipe our butts with it.
Hey, relax, I'm just kidding around. You didn't actually think we cared about you that much, did you? The truth is we actually wipe our butts with all the fan mail.
Sincerely,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com
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FROM: Inside Hoops <xxxxxxxx@insidehoops.com>
SUBJECT: Yes! I too love Rick Brunson!
(Just so you know, I'm an NBA analyst who has been a guest on ESPN radio, WFAN and radio stations around the country, I was a guest nationally across Canada several times on the now defunct Team Radio Network, I've done television in NYC, etc., I'm the CEO of Inside Hoops and the editor of InsideHoops.com, and Sports Illustrated once called me "a virtual one-man basketball team.")
Here are some press quotes you can use, pick your favorite, use one for a while and then the other, etc.
"Of the tens of thousands of Rick Brunson websites out there, I have to say that Rick Brunson .com is easily the best."
-Jeff Lenchiner (NBA analyst, Editor of InsideHoops.com)
"Rick Brunson is to the NBA what Rick Brunson .com is to the Internet."
-Jeff Lenchiner (NBA analyst, Editor of InsideHoops.com)
"Michael Jordan who? I can't remember who he is, I'm too focused on Rick Brunson and Rick Brunson .com"
-Jeff Lenchiner (NBA analyst, Editor of InsideHoops.com)
Dear Jeff,
Wow. Where do I begin with this? It's not often that Old Man B. is left speechless. I mean, really, what did you expect us to do with this?
You seem to know our site quite well, but let's take a little tour anyways. Load up the page and take a good, long, close look at the Rick Brunson .com main page. Feeling smarter yet? Okay, now check the tab across the top of the main page. It's for navigation of the site, right? Perfect. Do you see the word "Quotes" there anywhere? No? You don't? Look more closely. Can you see it now? No? Do you know why?
Because we don't have a freakin' quotes section, that's why!
Of course, I did try and beg D-Flex to create a new section just for you, because that's the kind of guy I am, but he just looked at me like I was senile. So I'm afraid this is the only publicity you're gonna get. But hey, you're not mad, right? We can still trade quotes, right?
"InsideHoops.com has got a rumours page that puts the New York Post to shame!"
- Old Man Bueale (smelly old fart at Rick Brunson .com)
"Hey, I don't need to be on your fancy guest list. I know Jeff Lenchiner!"
- Old Man Bueale (angry old crank at Rick Brunson .com)
"Sure, I surf over to InsideHoops.com every day. I go there right after I check my free morning porn! Well, maybe not RIGHT after..."
- Old Man Bueale (dirty old man at Rick Brunson .com)
Even trade?
Yours truly,
Old Man Bueale
Rick Brunson .com
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