From: "Dominic Salotti" <bigsillydick@hotmail.com>

Dear Rick Brunson afficianados:

First of all let me say that you are the worst kind of sycophant, it's people like you that make me want to curl up in a ball and weep until the messiah, or Rick Brunson himself comes to save me. Enough with petty humour; you make me sick.

I don't care what you say about Brunson, he obviously is not a very good basketball player and should probably be in the CBA, it is you I'm worried about. You call yourself a Raptor fan, yet when they are losing to the Wizards you let your "girlfriend" change the channel to America's Funniest Home Videos. There are several things going on here that disturb me. Firstly no real fan would ever forsake a Raptors game for that horrible American tripe, no matter how much they are losing by. Secondly it's pretty sad the way you want everyone to know you have a girlfriend; a little insecure are we? Thirdly who watches America's Funniest Home Videos? You must be pretty gay.

P.S.

I dare you to publish this letter on the website, what with you being dissed left right and center and all, but I know you won't because you are a child. I will pray for you.

Dominic

Dear Dominic,

First off, I thank your chosen god for looking after us. We are doing just fine. Your prayers have been answered.

Your letter caused a storm of debate here at Rick Brunson .com headquarters. Usually when we receive a hate mail that includes a dare to be published we ignore it. The people who send those emails are just looking for the cheap thrill of attention. I have fought successfully for your cause however because you are in deep need of help.

While you are clearly adept at using a dictionary (well, not that adept, as you've incorrectly interpreted the meaning of sycophant), it seems there is no cure for the ailment of a lack of sense of humour. The joke you seem to take the most offense with is the one about allowing my girlfriend to watch America's Funniest Home Videos whilst the Raptors were losing to the Washington Wizards by 26.

So let me explain the joke to you just to make sure that you understand it. There are actually two jokes in one here. If I use the old Jack Benny chestnut of prefacing my joke with the big set-up of "The Raptors were soooo bad..." and then pausing for the audience to respond, "How bad were they?" you might just start to understand the deep levels of meaning contained within my one-liner.

So let's go...

B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad...
Dominic: How bad were they?
B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad that I willingly gave the clicker to my girlfriend.

Now you understand that I am a huge Raptor fan. The evidence is quite clear (i.e. I spend most of my spare time detailing their ups and downs on a website). So one can assume that the Raptors must have been gawd-awful for me to allow my girlfriend to gain control of the television. If you add in the stereotype that girls don't like sports then it gets even funnier. You see, the mentioning of my girlfriend was not to reinforce my ego but to add to the humour of the joke. But now on to the next level...

B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad...
Dominic: How bad were they?
B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad that I watched a rerun of America's Funniest Home Videos.

The one thing you do understand correctly is that America's Funniest Home Videos is tripe. Actually this website is tripe and sports in general can probably be considered tripe when taken in the proper context, but that's an essay for another day. Because AFHV is such tripe it again adds to the humour of the joke. I'm sure most people reading the line said to themselves, "Boy, the Raptors sure must have been bad for this guy to watch that shit." And those people were right. A small minority (i.e. you) took the time to lovingly craft an email that purports to diss me "left, right and center." That's okay. I'm not taking offense to your inability to get a joke. I'm trying to help you here so that you can enjoy our website to its fullest. Maybe someday you'll learn all about satire. Actually, maybe we should start with something simpler like puns.

But wait! I haven't even put the whole joke together yet. I don't want to sign-off without making sure the joke has been beat into your head...

B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad...
Dominic: How bad were they?
B-Huge: The Raptors were soooo bad that I willingly let my girlfriend change the channel to a rerun of America's Funniest Home Videos.

Ta-da! Do you get it now? I hope so because it sure is funny. I don't want you feeling all left out while the rest of the world can enjoy a fine little chuckle. Deep alienation has been known to foster maladjusted emotions in people. In order to compensate for that alienation some people tend to take on an air of elitism. I wouldn't want to be the cause of you spending all of your time crafting nasty little emails in the belief that you are somehow intellectually superior to the rest of us. C'mon out of the dark and join the crowd. It's okay that you are different. We'll all do our best to understand.

If there is any other way I can help with your integration back into the rest of society let me know. Here's a free tip: everybody else includes a post-script AFTER they've signed their names!

Best of luck,
B-Huge
Rick Brunson .com

P.S. This is how a post-script is done correctly.